| Elena & Liz |
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| Written by RWN Update |
| Friday, 18 December 2009 13:12 |
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Elena & Liz – two years later… An Update with one of RWNM’s Real Couples! On February 23, 2007, Elena Cardona and Liz Quinones were one of the first couples in New Jersey to enter into a legally recognized civil union. They were also the first couple ever to be featured on the cover of RainbowWeddingNetwork Magazine! 2009 finds Elena, Liz and their family celebrating another exciting milestone. Congratulations, Quinones Family! (For previous articles about Elena & Liz, including the Q&A from last issue prior to Baby Eli’s birth, visit us online at www.RWNMagazine.com) RWN Magazine (RWN): Tell us a little bit about your relationship as it is today, now that you two have journeyed together through friendship, romance, a historic civil union celebration, been newlyweds... and now look toward your future. Elena (EQ): Since we had the ceremony for our Civil Union, life has just been wonderful. You never really realize how much one day (meaning our Wedding Day) really does mean to you until you have finally done it. I will never forget how Liz used to tell me when we were just friends that she would never get married, but if you ask her that same question today her answer would be that she would do it over and over again if we could. It meant that much. It wasn't long after our Wedding -actually March of 2007, to be exact- that we started talking and thinking about adding a little someone to our family. I have biological children of my own, who we are raising together and Liz has been in their lives for many years. But we had never shared the experience from the beginning and Liz has no children of her own. So we both decided that it would be the perfect completion to our family. So our journey began. RWN: What metaphor would you use to describe the process of becoming pregnant? What were some of the high and low points of the journey to your successful conception? EQ: The best way to describe our process of becoming pregnant is a long, scary roller coaster, which we almost jumped off of plenty of times! We are so happy that we had the courage to hold on. We don't think that there was anything that could have prepared us for what was ahead. We decided to take Liz's egg with a donor sperm and have me (Elena) carry the baby. This process sounds a lot easier then it really is. We both had to take shots in our stomachs everyday for about two weeks to prepare our bodies for the process. We were extremely blessed to become pregnant after just two attempts. But our happiness was cut short when, due to the stress of losing my only brother at just 27 years old, we also lost the pregnancy. We decided it would be best to take a break for a couple of months before trying again. We decided to switch doctors and start fresh. To make a really long and tumultuous story short, after about 8 more attempts, several heartbreaks and so much more, our dreams were almost coming true. We found out that we were pregnant in July 2008! RWNM: Would you mind sharing a bit more about the process of conception and the pregnancy itself? EQ: It was something you can’t even describe I guess, or prepare yourself for. I didn’t plan my other kids and here I am doing it the ‘right’ way (getting married, actively planning to have another child…) and we had so much trouble. And still, even trying 10 times like we did was actually under the average. My mom was so supportive – without her we wouldn’t have been able to do this. She took care of our older kids when I was put on bedrest. And everytime I went to the house to see them, she took pictures of my belly and of all of us together. I actually lost my stepdad to lung cancer two weeks after we got pregnant the second time. It was so hard, because those last two weeks of his life he was in the hospital and I was not able to see him, because of the risk with the pregnancy. He was the only grandpa my kids have ever known; he actually attended our wedding against doctor’s orders (he had pneumonia at that time…) He’s been there for us all along. Losing him was so difficult. Liz Quinones (LQ): I just kept whispering to her, ‘Don’t get stressed, don’t get stressed.’ We didn’t want to lose this baby too. RWNM: As a couple you’ve been through so many unexpected challenges throughout the process of this conception. Your family has been through so much too. Our condolences. EQ: Thank you. RWNM: Would you mind sharing how the two of you decided to have Elena carry the baby? EQ: Again, I have biological kids while Liz doesn’t, and because of her occupation and her age (Liz is 43 and Elena is 31) it made sense for me to carry the baby. Our doctor actually said that if we’d wanted Liz to carry the baby after all, the only way for it to work would be for her to use my egg (because of the age issue.) And, I’m sure that it was harder for us to conceive -ultimately- because we did choose Liz’s egg. I was put on full bedrest at 11 weeks and I was still spotting at the beginning... Early on I thought I lost the baby but I actually lost part of placenta. I had had a hematoma (bruise on uterus) so that’s why I was put on bedrest. So at that time there was no way I could commute the 1 ½ hrs to our older kids’ school; that’s when Justine (13) and Patrick (10) went to stay with their grandmother. RWNM: Wow, this was such an intense journey for you and your entire family. How did your co-workers and supervisors handle everything? Were they supportive of you two as a couple during the process? EQ: Everyone at my company has been so amazing. It is a small finance company and I’ve been there over ten years now. Back in 2007, twelve out of the fifteen employees came to our wedding. So they’ve always been great and really supportive. They held my job open when I had to take a leave for the pregnancy and my boss told me, ‘Don’t worry about your job at all; it’s waiting for you.’ They couldn’t wait for me to come back to work. And for the baby shower, my co-workers sent a check and gifts. I was allowed 24 weeks of disability coverage and the rest was picked up by long-term disability. –That covered the last month of the pregnancy and eight weeks after the baby was born. All the guys Liz works with came to the shower and gave us gifts. Her chief came out and played with the baby since he’s been born… LQ: I am a police sergeant and I had just started my job three years ago. But with New Jersey’s Family Medical Act I was allowed up to twelve weeks unpaid leave to care for a loved one, and I did have to take some of that time. I was the one who shuttled Elena back and forth to doctor appointments, usually at least two appointments a week. It was a tough, long road. It seemed like every other day we had to go to the doctor for something. Elena developed gestational diabetes, so we were checking her blood at home five times a day there toward the end, and we had to go in for routine bloodwork too. But it was definitely all worth it in the long run. RWNM: Did you two encounter any awkward moments, being a lesbian couple? EQ: I was referred to a doctor from family, and he’s Spanish, which he wanted, and he’s been so great with both of us. All our doctors and nurses and their staff have really been great. We really had very few issues, but there was one at the hospital. I was in for observation. The guard gave Liz such crap. LQ: Yeah, we’d taken Elena in and I had to go back to the car for something. The security guard gave me the third degree and wouldn’t let me back into the hospital, even though I told him that my wife was upstairs and pregnant and in pain. He’s asking me all these questions just because we were two females... Had I been in uniform or a man, he never would have even questioned it. EQ: He had seen her go up the day before, so why was he giving her crap? We later went to his boss and he got ripped – the supervisor was really great about the situation. RWNM: So, you made it through the first trimester and the second… How exciting! I know the due date was early March, and there you were –you’d finally made it to February with everything proceeding along. What was the story of the baby’s birth? EQ: I had started bleeding once again at 36 weeks. I had actually started getting contractions at 28 weeks and I was on med/s to hold on to the pregnancy. We were in the hospital at least once a week at that point. Then when it happened again at 36 weeks, the doctor decided just to go ahead with a caesarean. LQ: The delivery was so graphic; it was hard. I was standing on a chair, taking photos from there. I was scared –well, more nervous than scared. We’d just been through so much with the conception and pregnancy… EQ: She was nervous too about holding him, but she did just fine. Liz was the first one to hold him. RWNM: And he was rather healthy, even though he was premature? What did you name him?! EQ: He was healthy! And his name is Eli, from Liz’s full name ‘Elizabeth.’ We considered the middle name ‘James,’ after my brother who passed away, but my mom said she couldn’t handle that. So he is just simply Eli Quinones. RWNM: Congratulations, how wonderful!! I’m sure the family has been so very happy and busy with the new Little One. EQ: Yes, Justine and Patrick love being back home and having a new brother. They both want to feed him and take care of him. They take pictures to school and brag about him... The school’s been great about it too, very supportive. And my mom is all over Eli. And we’ve already taken a trip to Puerto Rico to introduce him to Liz’s mom, which was great. RWNM: What was it like filling out the birth certificate? Does New Jersey have the new documentation in place to accommodate same-sex couples who have entered into a civil union and are having children? EQ: They do have ‘parent’ and ‘parent’ on the final birth certificate. But on the application for the birth certificate, it said ‘mother’ and ‘father.’ The director of the hospital told us to cross out ‘father,’ which we did. So, on the final birth certificate which was mailed to us later, you can’t actually tell which one of us gave birth to Eli. But on June 19th Liz will formally adopt him. We decided to do this, because the birth certificate would hold up under New Jersey law but not in other states. LQ: Say I was driving Eli through another state and there was an emergency… I might not have the same rights as a (fully recognized) parent to take care of him. EQ: So we have to go for a second parent adoption. Liz had to go through everything like a regular adoption: luckily at her job they offer legal aid where we could pay $25/month and it happens to cover adoption. This ended up being a couple hundred dollars rather than $6K. RWNM: That brings me to my next question… Do you mind sharing a ballpark figure on just how much this pregnancy ultimately cost? EQ: Over $100,000 easily. Our insurance only covered the basics, like ultrasounds... No med/s like the follistim or the progesterone, which I needed to hold on to the pregnancy. RWNM: So now what? How is Eli doing? How is everyone adjusting? EQ: We’ve switched our work schedules so that we trade off time at home with Eli. My company allowed me to switch hours so I’m there now from 7:30-3:00 with a half hour lunch. Liz drives to Justine and Patrick’s school and brings the baby, so after work I pick up all the kids and take them home with me while Liz works second shift. The school is just five minutes from my office. Daycare is so expensive... $95/day for four hours. And I didn’t have the opportunity to stay home with my other two kids, so I feel blessed this time. And Justine and Patrick are a big help in the car. They switch and take turns in the back seat with Eli, feeding him during the long ride. LQ: Eli does have serious allergies, so he has to be fed often. It took us awhile to figure it all out, but he is allergic to dairy and soy and such. Even with special formula he has trouble, but he’s getting better. EQ: The formula is from the pharmacy: it’s a liquid, and one can lasts about 2 days. Each can costs $60. RWNM: Oh my gosh, the bills just keep coming! EQ: Yeah, but it’s definitely been worth it. Eli is amazing and it’s great to see Liz with him. They look so much alike! LQ: Yeah, just watching him grow everyday – it’s a miracle, it really is. It’s a gift. RWNM: And do you have advice you’d offer other couples who are considering bringing a child into their lives? LQ: Don’t wait! -That’s my advice. I know a guy at work and he’s twenty-five years old and he and his wife just think because they are young they’re not going to have any problems… I tell him not to wait. You never know what’s going to happen or what it’s going to be like. That is my only regret. Elena actually wanted to become a surrogate mother for a gay couple, but at this point I think it’d be too much for her body. RWNM: Again, our Congratulations to you all! We know that Eli is an adored and cherished little boy. EQ: Words can not come close to describing the happiness that we feel in our hearts. We have become so much closer during the whole pregnancy. There were many times along the way that we didn't think we were going to make it; as a matter of fact before we got pregnant, we had decided that this was going to be our last try. We were so drained, emotionally, physically and financially that we just couldn't keep going. But our Faith and Love through it all keep us strong. We could not think of anyone else in the world that we would want to share this amazing, life-changing experience with than one another. ...And of our course our family at Rainbow Wedding Network Magazine! Thank you for giving us this opportunity once again. RWNM: Thank you! And again, All the Best to the entire Quinones Family! |
| Last Updated on Sunday, 17 January 2010 15:04 |